Down and Out

April 27, 2008 at 12:40 pm 1 comment

My regular readers may have noticed that I haven’t been around for a couple of weeks. Since I couldn’t come up with an excuse that was both interesting and plausible, I suppose I’d better come clean. A quick look at my stats should tell you what’s been going on. Not exercising and not eating right.

Excuse number 1: I was ill. I had a really bad sore throat that felt like I was swallowing razor blades. My sore throat needed company of course, so came hand in hand with rather bad ear ache and sinus headaches. And as an asthmatic, I also got puffed by rolling over in bed. In total, I have had 5 days off work due to this over the last 2 weeks. Obviously couldn’t exercise, but then for a couple of days I couldn’t eat either. Weight dipped slightly, but not for long. See excuse number 2.

Excuse number 2: I was ill. I have had a return of my depression. That sounds so proprietary, doesn’t it. Like my house, my friends, my depression. I guess when you have a chronic illness you do develop a relationship with your disease, in a way. Anyhow, severe depression, and yet again, misery likes company, so massive anxiety/panic attacks. The doctor wanted to sign me off work but as I come up to the end of my 6-month probation period, and having just taken 5 days off for an infection, didn’t think this would do my career prospects much good. Decided to try and guts it out for a little while longer.

My solution to wanting to shoot myself/eviscerate myself/drive my car into a brick wall on a roughly half-hourly basis (actually, the car into the wall thing was every 2 minutes when in the car but otherwise not really practical), was to inhale anything more-or-less edible I could get my hands on, the fattier and more disgusting the better. I’m not entirely sure how this helped, but it seemed the thing to do at the time. While exercising would have probably helped with this situation, it’s all very well to know this on an academic level. Actually thinking, “hey I’ll put some workout clothes on and go and do some kickboxing” when you are in a depressive state is, sadly, often beyond the realms of one’s capabilities. Particularly when “OK, I won’t kill myself in the next 10 minutes” is a major achievement. So, no exercise, and junk food galore. Salad veg and lean meats going off in the fridge as the pile of take out cartons stacks up and my handbag fills up with chocolate wrappers and empty crisp packets.

It’s now Sunday 27th April. I am feeling mostly better, although I’m still suffering with anxiety attacks. I’m clinging on at work, but only just. My mum is taking hubby and me on a week’s holiday from this Saturday, and the most I am looking forward to is not going in to work. But maybe it’ll be just what I need. I’m also thinking about changing careers, as this one doesn’t seem to be really conducive to my mental health, despite being ridiculously well paid. And I hope to start moving again, and eating real food that is not coated in sugar and/or deep fried. My weight is up to it’s highest level in 2 years, but I am alive. So while it is discouraging and frustrating, I will live to make better choices another day.

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Body image, exercise, fat loss, heath and fitness, motivation, weight loss.

Airplane Food BlubberBeGone Mr & Mrs Challenge

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Cynthia  |  May 3, 2008 at 2:25 am

    Hang in there! I’ve been depressed before, though maybe not that badly and yeah, sometimes nothing looks like it is worth doing, including stuff that should be fun.

    Still, if you can find a way to ride these waves with less damage, that would be good. Keep working on it, whether you need to change jobs, get meds or therapy, whatever it takes. Because I know when I get depressed and eat… I don’t feel better.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 5 other followers

Blubberbegone Stats

  • Start: 16 stone, 45.7% body fat
  • Goal: 10 stone, 20% body fat
  • Today: 14 stone 13.6 lbs, 44.8% BF
  • Pounds lost: 14.4
  • Body fat lost: 0.9%
  • Exercise this week (Sat–Fri):
  • Total: 2 hr 5 mins
  • Jog/Walk: 20 mins
  • Walking: 20 mins
  • Burlesque: 1 hr
  • Pilates: 25 mins
  • African dance: mins
  • Tae Kwon Do: mins
  • Badminton: mins
  • Tai Chi: mins
  • Yoga: hr
  • Exercise last week: 4 hrs 40 mins
  • Joke of the Day

    I'm not fat - I'm a woman and a half.

    Motivation

    My Weight Loss Goals

  • 1. Crack 15 stone (210 lbs) for the fourth and final (I hope) time.
  • 2. Lose 10% of my body fat (14 stone 4).
  • 3. Fit into a size 18 (US 16).
  • 4. Get my body fat below 40%
  • 5. Lose another 10% of my body fat (12 stone 12/180 lbs).
  • 6. Get my BMI under 30 (12 stone 9/177 lbs) - no longer obese, just overweight now.
  • 7. Weigh less than my husband.
  • 8. Fit into a size 16 (US 14).
  • 9. Lose my third 10% (11 stone 8/162 lbs).
  • 10. Fit into a size 14 (US 12).
  • 11. Get my BMI under 25 (10 stone 8/148 lbs).
  • 12. Lose my fourth 10% (10 stone 6/ 146 lbs).
  • 13. Fit into a size 12 (US 10).
  • 14. Reach my goal weight (10 stone) and decide if I need to lose any more based on my muscularity and shape.
  • 15. Turn heads in a bikini!
  • My Fitness Goals for 2011

  • 1. Increase my cruising walking speed from around 5.0kph to 6.4kph.
  • 2. Increase continuous jogging time to 30 mins.
  • 3. Run a 5K for charity.
  • 4. Work on my crawl stroke and build up to 30 mins continuous swimming.
  • 5. Build up to 1 hour continuous and comfortable cycling.
  • 6. Squat 50kg.
  • 7. Do an unassisted chin up.
  • 8. Take a martial arts or self-defence class for at least 3 months.
  • 9. Beat my husband at badminton.
  • 10. Learn a new dance style.
  • My Blubber Reduction Journey

  • My highest measured weight ever:
  • Jan 1 2006 = 238 lbs (17 stone)
  • BBG blog starting weight:
  • Sep 16 2007 = 215.5 lbs (15 stone 5.5), 47.0% BF Lean body mass 114.2 lbs (8 stone 2.2)
  • Highest weight posted since then:
  • Xmas 2008 = 223.6 lbs (15 stone 13.6), 48.2% BF, lean body mass 116.0 lbs (8 stone 4)
  • Lowest weight posted since then:
  • Nov 16 2009 = 193.2 lbs (13 stone 11.2), 43.7% BF, lean body mass 108.8 lbs (7 stone 10.8)
  • Lowest body fat posted since then:
  • Sep 7 2009 = 194.2 lbs (13 stone 12.2), 42.6% BF, lean body mass 111.5 lbs (7 stone 13.5)
  • My blubber reduction journey 2011:
  • Xmas 2010 = 221.6 lbs, 46.7% BF, 118.1 lbs LBM
  • 5 Jan = 221.0 lbs, 47.1% BF
  • 12 Jan = 219.6 lbs, 45.8% BF
  • 19 Jan = 220.4 lbs, 45.8% BF (TTOM)
  • 26 Jan = 218.8 lbs, 45.2% BF
  • 2 Feb = 218.8 lbs, 44.7% BF
  • 9 Feb = 219.4 lbs, 44.9% BF
  • 16 Feb = 215.8 lbs, 44.6% BF
  • 23 Feb = 213.2 lbs, 45.2% BF
  • 2 Mar = 211.6 lbs, 45.9% BF
  • 9 Mar = 209.8 lbs, 45.1% BF
  • 16 Mar = 208.8 lbs, 45.3% BF
  • 23 Mar = 208.0 lbs, 45.1% BF
  • 13 Apr = 208.4 lbs, 44.4% BF
  • 20 Apr = 207.6 lbs, 43.3% BF
  • 27 Apr = 205.0 lbs, 45.8% BF
  • 4 May = 209.2 lbs, 45.2% BF (TTOM)
  • No. weeks: 18
  • Average weekly weight loss: 0.31%
  • 101 in 1001

    28 down, 5 goals revoked, 68 to go, and 94 days to do them. Check out the 101 page, above, for all the latest on my journey to be a better blubberbegone.

    Archive

    April 2008
    M T W T F S S
    « Mar   May »
     123456
    78910111213
    14151617181920
    21222324252627
    282930  

    Blog Stats

    • 75,310 hits

    %d bloggers like this: