Bingeing and Loathing in the UK

January 29, 2008 at 9:18 pm 2 comments

The last week or so my weight has been rising. Those hard-won half-pounds and quarter-pounds have come piling back on in multi-pound onslaughts. Why does it come off so hard and go on so easy? This morning I weighed in at 15 stone 2.2 (212.2 pounds). So I reverted to what I have always done when disgusted with myself – I punished myself with food. Actually, I started yesterday, after weighing in at 15 stone 1.6 for two days in a row. There have been sweets, chocolate, crisps. Bag after bag, one after another. Literally one after another. Even when I felt sick I kept going. I made special journeys to the garage on my way home to stock up and finished the lot off before I got back.

This evening, I had booked a massage after work. I lay on the table thinking…I can’t do it, it’s too hard. I want liposuction. I have NEVER thought that before. Then I started thinking, what’s wrong with me that I hate my body so much that I want to go home and cut at it with a knife. If I’d lived in another age my voluptuous (read fat) body would have been desirable. My hubby desires and loves me the way I am. Why can’t I love myself? On the other hand, with a family history and my weight and size I am setting myself up for all sorts of health problems in the not too distant future. I went to a wedding this weekend and there was a Ceilidh – scottish dancing. I stayed in my chair, as always, knowing that I wouldn’t make it 10 seconds before I collapsed gasping, let alone a whole dance. I watched fat people, old people, and people my age all jumping up and having a ball, and I felt disgusting.

I have been writing this blog since July, and my weight is pretty much what it was back then. But then I remind myself that a couple of years ago I weighed in at nearly 17 stone (238 pounds), so I’m better off now than I was then. I guess in this journey there are going to be lots of false starts. I just need to keep moving in the right direction and I will eventually get there. OK, maybe not as quickly as I’d like. Not as quickly who seem to be able to start a plan and give it everything and stick to it. But I will get there. I have changed in the last couple of years. I am happier, for a start, the last couple of days notwithstanding. I do more exercise. Not as often as I should, but I’m definitely more active. I’ve tried juicing and liked it. Heck, I don’t know what it’s going to take to get it into my thick skull, but I guess I’ll just keep trying, dealing with the demons one by one as they arise. That’s it for now. ‘night all.

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Entry filed under: Body image, fat loss, heath and fitness, inspiration, motivation, weight loss.

Nutrition Tip of the Week no. 12 Not the full picture

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Anon  |  January 31, 2008 at 7:05 am

    Keep going!

    Reply
  • 2. Cynthia  |  February 4, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    Yeah, keep on keeping on! Even the mind thing starts to get better. I’ve been there with the bingeing even to the point of getting sick with acid reflux and throwing up in the night. I know how hard that behavior is to get rid of, yet, I got sick of feeling, well, sick. I can’t say I’m entirely rid of it and may never be completely safe, but binges happen less in my life these days.

    Keep going, keep trying, and one day, you WILL be dancing!

    Don’t even ask what I’m doing up at this hour! Bad Cynthia at the computer instead of sleeping!

    Reply

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Blubberbegone Stats

  • Start: 16 stone, 45.7% body fat
  • Goal: 10 stone, 20% body fat
  • Today: 14 stone 13.6 lbs, 44.8% BF
  • Pounds lost: 14.4
  • Body fat lost: 0.9%
  • Exercise this week (Sat–Fri):
  • Total: 2 hr 5 mins
  • Jog/Walk: 20 mins
  • Walking: 20 mins
  • Burlesque: 1 hr
  • Pilates: 25 mins
  • African dance: mins
  • Tae Kwon Do: mins
  • Badminton: mins
  • Tai Chi: mins
  • Yoga: hr
  • Exercise last week: 4 hrs 40 mins
  • Joke of the Day

    I'm not fat - I'm a woman and a half.

    Motivation

    My Weight Loss Goals

  • 1. Crack 15 stone (210 lbs) for the fourth and final (I hope) time.
  • 2. Lose 10% of my body fat (14 stone 4).
  • 3. Fit into a size 18 (US 16).
  • 4. Get my body fat below 40%
  • 5. Lose another 10% of my body fat (12 stone 12/180 lbs).
  • 6. Get my BMI under 30 (12 stone 9/177 lbs) - no longer obese, just overweight now.
  • 7. Weigh less than my husband.
  • 8. Fit into a size 16 (US 14).
  • 9. Lose my third 10% (11 stone 8/162 lbs).
  • 10. Fit into a size 14 (US 12).
  • 11. Get my BMI under 25 (10 stone 8/148 lbs).
  • 12. Lose my fourth 10% (10 stone 6/ 146 lbs).
  • 13. Fit into a size 12 (US 10).
  • 14. Reach my goal weight (10 stone) and decide if I need to lose any more based on my muscularity and shape.
  • 15. Turn heads in a bikini!
  • My Fitness Goals for 2011

  • 1. Increase my cruising walking speed from around 5.0kph to 6.4kph.
  • 2. Increase continuous jogging time to 30 mins.
  • 3. Run a 5K for charity.
  • 4. Work on my crawl stroke and build up to 30 mins continuous swimming.
  • 5. Build up to 1 hour continuous and comfortable cycling.
  • 6. Squat 50kg.
  • 7. Do an unassisted chin up.
  • 8. Take a martial arts or self-defence class for at least 3 months.
  • 9. Beat my husband at badminton.
  • 10. Learn a new dance style.
  • My Blubber Reduction Journey

  • My highest measured weight ever:
  • Jan 1 2006 = 238 lbs (17 stone)
  • BBG blog starting weight:
  • Sep 16 2007 = 215.5 lbs (15 stone 5.5), 47.0% BF Lean body mass 114.2 lbs (8 stone 2.2)
  • Highest weight posted since then:
  • Xmas 2008 = 223.6 lbs (15 stone 13.6), 48.2% BF, lean body mass 116.0 lbs (8 stone 4)
  • Lowest weight posted since then:
  • Nov 16 2009 = 193.2 lbs (13 stone 11.2), 43.7% BF, lean body mass 108.8 lbs (7 stone 10.8)
  • Lowest body fat posted since then:
  • Sep 7 2009 = 194.2 lbs (13 stone 12.2), 42.6% BF, lean body mass 111.5 lbs (7 stone 13.5)
  • My blubber reduction journey 2011:
  • Xmas 2010 = 221.6 lbs, 46.7% BF, 118.1 lbs LBM
  • 5 Jan = 221.0 lbs, 47.1% BF
  • 12 Jan = 219.6 lbs, 45.8% BF
  • 19 Jan = 220.4 lbs, 45.8% BF (TTOM)
  • 26 Jan = 218.8 lbs, 45.2% BF
  • 2 Feb = 218.8 lbs, 44.7% BF
  • 9 Feb = 219.4 lbs, 44.9% BF
  • 16 Feb = 215.8 lbs, 44.6% BF
  • 23 Feb = 213.2 lbs, 45.2% BF
  • 2 Mar = 211.6 lbs, 45.9% BF
  • 9 Mar = 209.8 lbs, 45.1% BF
  • 16 Mar = 208.8 lbs, 45.3% BF
  • 23 Mar = 208.0 lbs, 45.1% BF
  • 13 Apr = 208.4 lbs, 44.4% BF
  • 20 Apr = 207.6 lbs, 43.3% BF
  • 27 Apr = 205.0 lbs, 45.8% BF
  • 4 May = 209.2 lbs, 45.2% BF (TTOM)
  • No. weeks: 18
  • Average weekly weight loss: 0.31%
  • 101 in 1001

    28 down, 5 goals revoked, 68 to go, and 94 days to do them. Check out the 101 page, above, for all the latest on my journey to be a better blubberbegone.

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